Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
