This girl is more easily done than said...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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