Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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