WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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