So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
