All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize