listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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