you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
