I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
