Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
