i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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