the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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