I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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