You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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