I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
