Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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