Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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