i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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