Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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