i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
