they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
