Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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