i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
