I want to walk on stilts...naked
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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