im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What drink are we having for lunch?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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