dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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