we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
