There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
