We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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