Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
