I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
