There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize