There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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