Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
