We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
