i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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