and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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