Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
