Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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