our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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