So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
