even my farts smell like vagina
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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