HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
