did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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