i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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