What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
