i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
