You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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