White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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