On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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