please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
