why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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