just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
