I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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