So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
