Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize