There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
