and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
