I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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