I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
