They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
