please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
