she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
