You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
