All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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