I want to stick my p in your. b.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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