Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
