I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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