Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
