whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
