Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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