It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
