what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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