After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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