If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
