She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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