are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
