I just cut my nipple shaving
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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