Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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