I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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