He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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