she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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