i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
